I've got an odd feeling

So I'm having such mixed emotions right now, almost like I cant decide if I am happy or sad. And seriously what a stupid way to feel right? I know. But thats half the problem. I dont know, maybe it isnt and Im just being stupid. I have this odd sence of strenght like I need to make some choices in my life, and I know Im going to and whatever they are my decision will be definate. But at the same time I have this feeling of weakness, and not knowing what is going to happen. I know walt and I are kind of in a weird funk right now. Like he makes choices and does waht he wants to do.. And I feel like I'm always sitting around waiting for him to make his choices. And now I have this new sence of well IM not waiting around anymore. Im going to start making decisions for myself and my life. And I feel like there is this invisible wall between him and I like instead of joining our lives together, he still just sees his life as him not ours.. but isnt that what marriage is? joining your lives together? Becoming one.. Nt one person obviously, but one life, where the other person is the most important to you and the faily you create is most important. Im not sure if any of this makes sence. But it is how I feel. And he probably feels this way too sometimes...