So Sad

I feel so sad so defeated so beaten down. Just thing after thing keeps hapening. I feel so alone, I feel like theres no one here for me. I have no family here. Im so depressed. Sometimes I just wonder what if... ranging from good what ifs to bad. I feel so hopeless.
Andrew is my light in the darkness. He has no clue but he carries me. Makes me wake up in the morning, eat, everything. He has a tooth, all the way thru and it looks like the next one is trying to break on thru to the other side. (some dry humor) He is trying to crawl. So far he scoots, His arms pull him his legs push. He can move around like that. But no actual crawling yet. He is such a happy baby. I have no idea where he gets it. And he said dada the other day. When he starts laughing and squealing he will try to talk and he says dada. so that i guess is his first word.